It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?

Today..today..today..
Sigh
not exactly the best of days.
I had a good day over-all..but..
this stuff in my head just won't leave me alone,

Couldn't stop thinking about love today, comparing who I'm better with etc..
Sigh
Then my friend said.. don't go out with him again, he's left you so many times and hurt you so badly.

I..can't let go of him.. Its not that easy. >_<

Everything in my brain is completely fucked up...and, I feel as if I'm going to crack any time now, I'm already starting, lashing out at things that make high pitched sounds, lashing out at nurses...
I'm going to end up hurting someone I care about I know it.

>_< no matter how much I want love and want to find the right person for me, I'm not stable enough to handle a relationship.

I find it hard to talk to people about these things, sigh, lately,
I've been saying to people I'm good or I'm ok or nothing to worry about..
I'm lying.
I'm not good - I'm not ok - I'm worried about me, and, I generally dont give a fuck about myself.

One big question I've been asking myself.
How'd I end up this way?
Hating myself.
Being annoyed by people trying to help.
Cutting myself.
Only wanting to be alive so I don't hurt the people I care about.
Being confused about everything.
Always making stupid mistakes..

Sigh. >_< What went wrong?

And another thing that happened today
I snapped at Jacqob, for wanting to suicide.
When, in reality.. I want to do it just as much, So Jacqob, I'm sorry.. really sorry, because, I'm not exactly in the place to say that.. and.. I don't know how your feeling because shit in your life could be worse than mine. Just, I just.. I hate seeing you say you want to kill yourself, because,
Jacqob >_< I think, I might,
love you.
I don't want anything to happen to you.. you've been someone, who's recently gotten close to me and you mean alot to me, I couldn't stand to see you do anything to yourself, especially not that. I'd literally do anything to stop you from doing that. I care to much. I'm sorry.

>_< Sigh,
I need help.