Am I Worth It?

No.
I'm not.
At all.

Takes alot for someone to do something stupid..but sometimes that stupid thing.. was a good choice.


Sigh.

3-8-10. This is what you've always feared

:3 Usual day, usual feelings - still feeling like ending it all. Aren't I just wonderful? - Don't know why I'm still holding on. I'll do it one day.. and maybe..nobody will notice..infact..if I keep acting happy and walking around with my fake smile, they won't even expect it. >_< Not even sure why I want to do it exactly, I just, feel like complete shit and feels like, I'm trapped and nobody can help me. I've got a few reasons to do it.. I mean.. I haven't exactly lived the best life.. shit childhood..shit life.. then by the age of 11 I wanted to commit suicide. Although back then, I didn't think much of it or do anything about it.. now, I'm almost 14, and, I still haven't done anything about it now its gotten to the point where I'm so close to commiting suicide.. :/ I told my mum.. and she said about going to the psych but theres waiting lists.

I don't want my brother to end up like me..even though..he already is starting to, I don't want him to go through the pain I go through everyday, I just, I want to help him, but I can't even help myself..

Sigh. Had nightmares again last night.. there starting to become clearer..like, I had 2 dreams last night, one seemed very realistic..and so did the other..but the first one...well.. Sharron was right, I am angry at someone, and, I know who it is now, it makes sense now.. I'm not only angry at that person.. I'm upset.. they made me feel, so, unloved, and, I don't understand how he could of done that to his own daughter. Sigh. Least one dream made sense..the other was just unleashing all my anger in my head.


I don't even want to mention love in this blog but I guess I should let it out.
- I'm glad I finally admitted to Jacqob I like him.. but..there was no point in telling him when, I'm to scared to do anything about it. I'm pathetic.

I keep telling myself things will get better just like I keep telling Jacqob that, I really think things will get better for him though..
And he said if we always look in the past we won't be able to forward.. I live in my past, I can't let things go, at all. I won't be going to far in life. >_< I know it.

So now, I find myself laying down, terribly sick, listening to music..
And a line of lyrics caught my attention. ''Make a move while your still breathing'' :l Its so true..and, I probably should make a move while I'm still breathing,
knowing my luck I'll jump into a relationship, commit suicide, and, break someone apart in pieces, sounds like something I'd do.

I feel soo...down right now.. and, I can't help myself..at all..
I doubt anybody else could either.
I should just, sigh. Nevermind. >_<