Sigh.

:/ I completely gave up on blogging till now, I guess reading Andrew's blog reminded me of how I actually do have a blogspot account which I haven't used since before the surgery...

Lets not recount on time thats past since I last blogged.. It'll go on forever.
I have a squillion things to complain about right now, so, why not complain about it on a blog? Fuck yeah!

Lets start with... I know I'm young, and I probably know nothing at all, but.. lifes hard and things that I used to be living for, are disappearing, and half the time these days I feel like giving up, everything, everyone and just end it all.

But, I never do, I've tried, but I never do, Sigh, I can't leave my friends or family.. At the moment the only people making me happy are Sharron and Jacqob theres also Melody but.. lately she's been seeming, sad, and, I don't want to do anything, help or anything because I'm scared she could get mad with me, she truely does worry me sometimes. But I mean Sharron may not understand things in the best way and she may not know what it feels like to be me, but she's always there and always has been when things first started to get tough back in '08 she was my shoulder to cry on and I freaken hope I never lose her. She makes me laugh and smile so easily, I'm so happy with her, sounds gay right? Yeah, I know, and recently, she's been helping me at school carrying books, coming to the office with me, carrying my bag since I can't.. :/ She's just always there and I doubt I'll ever be able to repay her for it.

And Jacqob, he's making me feel happy because, he understands. He's felt the way I feel. Even though this will sound mean... I'm glad he has felt the way I feel, it makes him so understanding and it's just good to have someone there who understands and me and him have become really good friends lately and I consider him as a best friend again. I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world.

Then theres that other person... sigh, he's still keeping me alive..even if.. we don't talk much, he doesn't know it but... I love him >_< No matter how much of a douche he turns into.. Letting go..is to hard.. he's still my everything. Even if he doesn't care about me much anymore.. I see he's happy..and thats enough for me.

Love hurts and lifes just, tough. Even though maybe I thought the surgery I had would make my life better, it really didn't change much at all, I'm still as, unhappy as I was before.

Sigh. Every thought that goes through my head now is depressing in some way.
:/ Eh, pretty fucked up for a 13 year old right? Things in my life, never stay good for long.