I slept through most of today, sleepings the best place for me even though I have bad dreams, I don't think in my sleep and if I don't think then I don't think of the hurtful things.
Yesterday, I got into a conversation with my mum, saying that, I think I might have depression, it's not terribly bad but anyway, she's letting me go see a psych in a few months.. she said if I do have it, she won't be putting me on pills? So, I don't really want to know if I have it or not, it won't change a thing.
Also yesterday, I had Sharron sort out my dreams and whats going on in my mind.. she said I have alot of repressed anger..and I'm angry at someone I love.. she's right. :/ she also said, I'm still the same me I've always been, the depressed one and in my dreams the creatures I see are what used to be me, I used to see myself as a monster and I continuously try kill it. - It always comes back. - I hate how she's always so right. >_<
These days I'm left worrying about my brother awhole lot, I keep telling him I love him and I'm always going to be there for him but I'm scared one day, he'll do what I'm thinking of doing. - He's the same as me or atleast getting there, which..is sad to watch I don't want him turning out like me, at all. :/
I also worry about Andrew.. and recently..worrying alot about Jacqob, I love those guys and I'm honestly freaken hoping they don't do anything to themselves..
Aside from the worrying though.. I still have that one thing on my mind, Sigh, I think I like him, I'm not saying love because, its not that yet, but, I think I like him, he's in my dreams now, but, I don't want to do anything about it.. anything at all, :/ I fear relationships now, scared of hurting someone else, or, scared of them hurting me, I don't think I'll be able to handle a long relationship, I'd get myself to worked up and worried.
Lifes confusing for me right now.
But as always, music gets me through it<3
No comments:
Post a Comment